Got a toothbrush?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
