is your mom at the bar?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
