Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
worst night to have a conscience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
