He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
