Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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