He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
