i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
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grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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