Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
