Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
