I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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