i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
