I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
