Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm really busy with my period
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