today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
