Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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