I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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