He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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