wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
