I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
