The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
