Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
