I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
