The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
