I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
