if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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