so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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