I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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