Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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