I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
