whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
