You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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