so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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