do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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