I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
