My cat gives me a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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