From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
