I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize