you guys were way drunker than both of me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
