i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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