bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate all girls vehemently.
You can't special order awesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
