She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
