someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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