YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
