Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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