You made me cry and you don't even care
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
