I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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