Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm just crazy horny about you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
