I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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