how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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