No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
