and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
