I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
