Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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