I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
