Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
