I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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