WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
