I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
