i love accidental penises.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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