I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
