How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
