It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
