Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
