seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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