i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
