You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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