Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she looked like the before picture.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
