she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
