Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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