At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
